Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
