Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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