Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
