we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
