he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
