I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
