Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
