Pappa wants mamma naked
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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