May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
