Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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