I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
