Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
