i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I understand Curling. That high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
