Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
