We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
