Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
