That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
