billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
