Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need help removing her.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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