Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
