Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
