New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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