My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
