she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
