So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
