I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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