i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
