I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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