i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
