You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
