She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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