How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
