um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
