I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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