Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
