Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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