She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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