im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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