Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
