i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
