I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
