hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
