His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
