im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
