Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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