worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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