your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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