Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Can I color on your dick again?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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