True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
