I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
