i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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