So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Blood and glitter go together right?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
